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[untiltheend]

This is Sebastian Michaelis. I am unavailable at present, but please leave a message. Should a response be needed I will reply when time permits me. Please do keep your message brief.

Comments

Re: backdated to immediately after pairings

[reformedsinner]

I think you've already mastered deontology, so there's not much point in pursuing it further, is there? [Lightly.]

But no... it does seem that the sticking point for you is that you do enjoy suffering. If you don't mind my asking, is that something like a power? Do you still experience it on board the Barge?

[So, in other words: is this pure sadism, or is it simply conditioning because suffering is delicious?]

1/3

[untiltheend]

The Admiral has not seen fit to limit my powers to the point of changing my very nature, no.

Rather than saying I 'still experience it' on the Barge, it would be more accurate to say I experience it even more strongly here than at home. The majority of the people here have experienced such horrific, repeated trauma-- they smell absolutely delectable.

Were I but younger and not spoken for already... [he'd be having such a feast, you don't even know.]

Re: backdated to immediately after pairings

[untiltheend]

[--!!

Hang on.]

3/3

[untiltheend]

[He sees where this is going, and NO.]

Before you suggest it - the answer is no.

[Does this kind of ruin the edginess of implying he'd like to eat most people on the Barge? Yes, well.]

[reformedsinner]

'No' to taking away your sense of trauma as delicious for a while, then?

[He clicks his tongue.]

I won't force it on you, but I do think that might make it easier for you to change your reactions to the suffering of others.

[untiltheend]

[...Ah. Apparently he didn't quite see where this was going.]

--Sir Trevor suggested to me not long ago that I should have the Admiral turn me human for a time. [That's where he assumed this was going.]

Your suggestion, meanwhile...

[Well. It's considerably less offensive. He isn't sure if he wants to agree to it, regardless.]

[reformedsinner]

[Hakkai looks down at his hands for a moment before meeting Sebastian's gaze again.]

I won't ever suggest to you that you should change what you are in order to graduate. First -- because I don't believe that it will teach you anything useful. Second -- because I was once changed against my will.

But I think that the fact that human suffering is delicious and you can smell it does make it difficult for you to see suffering as negative. If you found it less pleasurable, for a time, it might be easier to develop sympathetic responses.

[untiltheend]

[So that's what Hakkai meant by "it wasn't long since I was human" earlier in this conversation.

Sebastian is quiet for a while, staring down into his tea.

The idea is unpleasant, violating - as much as he knows the Admiral has already altered things about him, the thought of asking him to do it...

But at the same time, what Hakkai is saying makes a certain kind of sense.]

Your suggestion is not that it be permanent?

[reformedsinner]

No. If you find it intolerable, I'd revoke it at once.

Otherwise -- if it works well enough that you can start to develop the habit of not enjoying suffering, I would like to return it slowly, because when you are able to leave you will have that sense back. [And so, the final goal is for Sebastian to be able to not enjoy suffering even when it does smell delicious.]

If it doesn't work at all, then after a few months, we can decide to take a different path and I would ask for your senses to be returned.

[untiltheend]

[For a while. That might be... acceptable. He can't fathom the idea of never having his sense of taste returned - Sebastian obsesses over how things taste, after all. Losing that completely for the rest of his life would be... hateful.

Hrm.]

May I think it over? I will say it sounds... reasonable enough.

[reformedsinner]

Of course. Let me know when you've made a decision.

[untiltheend]

Thank you. I shall not keep you waiting long.