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"Ah, no: what I meant is, 'if your judgement about connections being powerful is to be trusted'. If that is true, then it is convenient that I am truly Johann's friend."

"Ah, I see," Hakkai says, with a quicksilver flicker of a smile, and rests his chin on one hand. "Is Johann your friend, Sebastian?"

Connections, after all, are valuable when offered, but much more valuable when formed.

"That is not the sort of question I have ever been asked before."

Hrmm. He makes a serious effort to think it over, at least.

"...Please know that, were it not for his healing abilities, I would have killed him several times over by now."

He's pretty sure friends aren't supposed to do that.

"Sparring?"

It's a perfectly reasonable sort of friendship in Hakkai's opinion. After all, when you know someone you care for has extreme healing abilities, you don't have precisely the same kind of concerns about their injuries. His tone is curious, but not in the least judgmental.

"Ah, well."

He'll get lectured about this, won't he...

"He will occasionally fight back."

But mostly it's just Sebastian beating him up.

Well. Hakkai's eyebrows soar for a long moment.

"How does he react when you attack him?"

"'Attack' is surely making it sound needlessly dramatic; I assure you he always knows what is coming."

He even obediently follows Sebastian to the Enclosure specifically for it.

"And he has known, from our very first encounter, that fighting back expecting to win is quite pointless.

--We are both fine with this arrangement, sir. But you see why a hesitate to call us friends?"

"Yes, that sounds more like a mutually satisfactory sadomasochistic arrangement to me personally," Hakkai muses, not turning a hair. "But, Sebastian, why would you have to follow human patterns for friendship?"

Sebastian makes a bit of a face-- that's the word Blitz used when he was being weird and gross about Sebastian and Johann. Maybe the word isn't inherently sexual in nature, then. Thank goodness.

"I would not, I suppose. But human patterns are all I am familiar with, however briefly."

It certainly can be sexual, but Hakkai's under the impression that it doesn't have to be. Sebastian at least seems like a perfectly ordinary sadist -- though Hakkai is just as pleased not to get into discussing Sebastian's sexual proclivities at any point.

"That's fair enough," he murmurs. "So, then, you have the opportunity to form your own, don't you? Whichever pattern works for you and the person you want to connect with. Should I call it something other than friendship?"

"I have no preference as to how to refer to it. Humans, too, have slightly differing opinions on how to define 'friendship', I believe? As I recall, Mr Gray defined it as 'people one feels one can complain to'.

Or 'bitch to', as Dorian actually phrased it.

"With all that said... yes, surely, I have every opportunity to form my own patterns."

It's still not without a certain level of skepticism, but.

"Precisely," Hakkai agrees. "Just remember: there's no need to devalue them just because they may not look like other types of friendship you're familiar with. A meaningful connection... is a connection."

He turns his hands palm-up in a tiny shrug.

"Is there anything else you've been thinking about lately?"

Because, otherwise, he thinks he can probably let Sebastian have the rest of his afternoon back.

Hmm...

"I would not say I have. I have spent the last few days mostly being angry with you, sir."

Oh look, it's an admission of Feelings.

"You did make that clear," Hakkai murmurs, glancing up at Sebastian. There is a wry twist to the corner of his mouth.

"But that task wasn't something I could have abandoned. Any more than this is."

"Hm."

Sebastian clasps his hands. "You have made every assurance towards that promise, sir. Please excuse that I still somewhat doubt it."

Even so, only somewhat. Sebastian still has a lot more trust in Hakkai than he does in most other people.

"Because you doubt that you'll ever reach that goal, or because you doubt my obligation?" Hakkai says, crossing his arms on the tabletop and watching Sebastian thoughtfully.

"If it's the latter, there's nothing I can do to prove it other than -- to continue.

"If it's the former... I have my own opinions on that."

"I will not be so insulting as to suggest you do not mean to be true to your word."

At least not right now, when Hakkai has just proven that he'd return as promised.

So in other words... mostly the former? But also the do not mean to be true probably suggests it's at least a little of the latter too.

"Of course not," Hakkai agrees. Not when he's just proved that he does mean to be true to it; Sebastian tends to reserve his severe insults for times when he sincerely means them. Although it's true -- as he's taking mean to mean -- that a warden's determination only means so much in the face of often capricious disappearances. After a moment, he refolds his hands on the table, neat and precise.

"...You've changed considerably since I first met you. You're willing to accept help, you've formed multiple emotionally meaningful connections with others: there are people on board who you care about. So much change, so quickly... I think you'll be surprised by how soon you do graduate, Sebastian. At this rate, you may surprise me too."

The reply is different from the last time they had this talk. Then Hakkai said that the changes in Sebastian were 'subtle' and that he didn't think this would be a quick process. The obvious interpretation is that Hakkai is exaggerating in order to encourage his inmate. For all of Hakkai's aggravating flaws, however, Sebastian doesn't consider that kind of dishonesty one of them.

His shoulders go up slightly, defensively, and he clasps his hands harder. Whatever Hakkai says, Sebastian knows that he'd kill everyone on this sorry ship in a heartbeat, permanently, even the people he likes, if that somehow meant going back to his young master. Going back to slowly, indulgently, consume his young master.

Completely dismissing Hakkai's words to his face feels too much like fishing for reassurance, however, and that's... not even what Sebastian wants.

"--You sound quite certain that I am not simply playing at those changes."

Edited 2024-04-02 20:43 (UTC)

"Are you?" Hakkai inquires, gentle and direct. After all: Sebastian isn't stupid. Falsehoods are a waste of both their time.

And he does, in fact, think that Sebastian's not lying or playing at change. Perhaps it's that he admitted to a meaningful connection that does it. Perhaps it's simply that Hakkai himself has been away, and -- recalibrated.

He'd half forgotten the set of mind that he'd needed for the casual brutality of battle; he'd been on board far too long. It had come back, though.

The fact that Sebastian would even bring up the possibility that he could be pretending is likely also an indicator that he is, in fact, not.

"Well... who knows?"

And if he were, chances are he'd be much more open about Of course I am; how did you ever believe otherwise once asked directly about it.

"...I do know we have talked about this before. I apologise; I had not meant to be repetitive."

Translation: 'This is a sensitive subject and I don't enjoy talking about it; let's drop it for now.'

Who knows means no, and Hakkai does understand that. He inclines his head.

"Of course," he murmurs. "I don't want to bore you by repeating myself, either."

The changes that Sebastian has made are indeed considerable, and Hakkai isn't about to change his mind on that. But he'll respect Sebastian's request to let it lie for now.

...What in the world. It's only been a couple of days, and still it's almost a relief to once again speak to a person who understands unspoken things. How ridiculous.

"Indeed; how tedious that would be on both accounts."

A pause.

"Thank you very much for the tea. I presume you have catching up to do with others today as well?"

"A little," Hakkai admits, and smiles at Sebastian genuinely, the corners of his eyes creasing in a way he deliberately doesn't bother with for his placeholder politeness. "But you were my first priority. Thank you for coming by.

"And... I think we may as well meet here from now on, don't you? If you don't mind that Jedao may walk by."

Needless to say, the genuineness of the smile doesn't go unnoticed.

"I would not mind; I like Instructor Jedao."

Now, if Sebastian ever feels the urge to kill Hakkai again, perhaps having Jedao around would not be ideal... but he supposes they can sort that out when the time comes. Sebastian rises, and offers a hand to shake. Yes, he knows it's not the custom where Hakkai is from, and Sebastian himself tends to favour bowing as well, but surely Hakkai's been on the Barge long enough to recognise a handshake for what it is.

"Thank you for having me, sir."

Re: After he and Jedao return from Saiyukiverse

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