untiltheend | IC Contact

It's not like Sebastian can't tell Johann is still there, but he assumed he was just being lazy with finishing his work, and so is surprised for a moment when Johann addresses him instead of just quietly leaving.

He half-turns his head from where he was finishing wiping down his work station.

"...It cannot wait until tomorrow?"

Obviously, whatever it is, it can't.

"How can I help you, then?"

He hates this he hates this hehatesthishehatesthis

"I wanted to apologize," he says, drying his hands with a towel and turning to face him. "For part of it. The part where I implied I was in any way better than you," he says. "That was - well, outside my normal shitty self."

"Is that so."

He turns back to his station, likewise drying his own hands. First Johann wants to unilaterally decide the terms of their so-called friendship, and now he's decided he deserves an apology?

"Surely that is unneccesary. Having been promoted to Warden, you are of course above Inmates."

He rolls his eyes "You're so fucking stuck up your own ass, Sebastian. You know most of these wardens aren't fit to lick your shiny fucking shoes. All I wanted was to not be the little shitstain you looked down on. And I hate this. This whole- "

He gestures between the two of them.

"Our interactions for the past year? Yes, you made that quite clear."

The comment about shoe-licking does, at least, make him soften a little, enough so that he deigns to turn to face Johann.

"You wish for me not to injure you. I will not, going forward. Is that not satisfactory?"

"No. Is that good enough for you?" he mutters.

Here is where he falters, though. Throws himself on the fire.

It's not. It isn't like Sebastian has never shared an understanding with anyone before, but Johann understanding what it is to be a monster, understanding what it means to be tied to a master... It's never mattered to Sebastian before, to have someone understand. He's never valued it before.

He does what he always does when he doesn't want to answer a question: redirect.

"What is it that you want, then, Mr Kinderwellen? To 'not be looked down on'?"

What does that entail?

He takes a deep breath.

"I'm not your servant, and I'm not your companion. I'm Florian's." He's the only one who has permission to abuse Johann without provocation or warning.

"I don't care if you try and hurt me if I deliberately provoke you into it because I - consent to that." He's using all these new words he's learned. "But I get to fight back. And...if I do something wrong, I want us to use words first. And if it can't be resolved that way, then we go to the Enclosure and we shut the door. But I want to be your friend because you understand shit in a way that no one else ever will." Which is why he mentioned Florian in the first place. No one else would get the significance of that statement and what it means.

"I do not wish to be treated like a dumbass warden."

He winces inwardly, waiting for the rebuke.

Sebastian does understand the significance of that. In the moment he rather hates that he does; it's a reminder why storming out of this conversation the way he wants to isn't going to help.

He hates that he recognises that Johann would never have talked this openly a year ago; he has changed. He has changed, and graduated, while Sebastian is still the same as always, and still an inmate.

He wants to bash Johann's head against the kitchen counter.

Hakkai's voice: Do you want to graduate or not?

John Doe's voice: I was stuck and what I was doing wasn't working. So I tried something different even if it felt beneath me.

He's quiet for several long moments. Turns his head away so as to avoid looking at Johann.

"As I told Mr Cho: it may be that I, too, let my anger get the better of me in the moment."

Johann thinks he might faint here and now. It isn't an apology; but it's damn close and Johann isn't going to push for anything more.

"Alright," he says with a nod, acknowledging how significant that was without drawing any attention to it. "So. What do you want?"

Sebastian leans lightly against the counter, crossing his arms.

"You have had much more time to think this through."

Sure, Hakkai gave Sebastian homework a week ago to think of what kind of relationship he wants with Johann, but Sebastian has spent most of that week just being angry.

"...You are never to give me an order as a Warden, or to make changes to the kitchens without first discussing it with me."

First things first. He's still angry about that, apology or no.

He has. There's no disputing that. And while he can't know what he and Hakkai talked about, he can guess.

"Deal."

Said with significance. He hasn't even tried to do either of those in the interim, and he has no intention of trying now.

Sebastian gives himself a moment to take a deep breath, to push past the anger and attempt to give Johann's conditions... a somewhat fair consideration.

"--I will say I have... little concept of what 'being friends' exactly means. But your proposed terms sound... acceptable."

Edited 2024-05-13 15:28 (UTC)

"That's what I think it means for us to be friends. I can't speak for everyone else," he agrees, letting out a long breath.

"You are and continue to be the only person I don't have to endlessly explain shit to when it comes to my life and my beliefs. That understanding is enough friendship for me. And stop calling me by that name. That's one more point. Call me Johann again. You give me the fucking creeps when you call me anything else."

"Very well."

Johann it is.

"...And likewise. About not needing to endlessly explain, that is."

Even Hakkai, who has access to Sebastian's file, needs hand-holding occasionally.

"It's- exhausting." To explain, to figure out.

"Then that's all from me. Anything else?" he wonders, spreading his hands out.

"No."

He may need to approach Hakkai and ask to be let into the Enclosure to kill something, but... Well, on that note, since they're all about using their words today:

"--I am still angry about your graduation. But I will not take that out on you."

Intellectually, he realises it's not Johann's fault. But he can't find it in himself to be happy for him.

Edited 2024-05-13 15:57 (UTC)

"No shit. I'd be angry, too. But I don't expect you to throw me a fucking party about it. I didn't expect it, either. And it does mean I lost another fucking warden. Emet-Selch fucked off to wherever it is that he needed to go. And he used to give me monsters to fight. Ugly ones. More than you."

He manages a grin, since he can't actually be serious for longer than five minutes, and they are really stretching his limit.

Sebastian, admittedly, isn't feeling in the mood for banter, but in a concession that they are now mostly all right he reaches to smack Johann lightly on the head. Brat.

"Why on Earth would you still need him to stay as your Warden?"

It's as good as he's going to get and Johann just beams at him a little, even as he rubs his head. He can't help it. He knows Sebastian's in a shitty mood, but he did something Very Hard and it worked out mostly okay.

"Because I like him and he entertains me," he responds. "I don't think I need any other reason. But he has to save a world or something. I'm not sure. Did you know he was actually a big fuck-off demon creature?"

At least once he's had some time to calm down, Sebastian too will feel better about them making up. And angry or not, he recognises that's what Johann is smiling about.

He shakes his head. "We have spoken but briefly." And there were cats involved at the time, so Sebastian's brain wasn't particularly functional.

"A demon, saving a world? What an absurd idea."

A big fuck-off demon creature that was deemed good enough to be a warden, unlike some other people. Sebastian decides he hates Emet-Selch.

"I only half listened when he talked," Johann admits fondly. He liked Emet, but he knows he was not to everyone's tastes.

He chances a look at the door.

"I have to make Florian his coffee," he finally realizes. Fuck. "I'll be in early to prep the batter tomorrow," he adds, gathering up his coat. "This was fun. Let's never do it again, goodbye!"

Sebastian watches him dash off. Remains where he is for five long seconds. He's so angry-- that Hakkai pushed him to listen to Johann, that he's stooped low enough to make this kind of compromise with another monster, that Johann's graduated, that everyone graduates but Sebastian...

In the end, he goes to Trevor to be let into the Enclosure. He can't stand another talk about feelings with Hakkai right now.

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