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This is Sebastian Michaelis. I am unavailable at present, but please leave a message. Should a response be needed I will reply when time permits me. Please do keep your message brief.

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[...There's a long pause, almost a minute long, as Sebastian considers his answer.]

Yes. [There have been people he has valued in the past. Agni, for example... but every single one of those people have been mayflies; gone as quickly as they have disappeared.]

[Hakkai nods, and lets the conversation rest there for a moment, sipping his tea to see if Sebastian wants to elaborate on the 'yes'.]

[Sebastian falls silent for a while too, also sipping his tea. Eventually:]

When I first arrived here, I was told, over and over again, that I would need to forget or let go of the young master were I ever to graduate. I had people question how I could still remain so loyal to him even after my death.

I have... never been interested in whether I am understood by others or not. But month after month, being told what I would need to do in order to return to the young master is a fundamentally impossible thing... [At some point, he somewhat felt like he was going insane. He takes another sip of tea, and with a slight, dismissive hand gesture:]

Even having read my file, sir, you do not understand fully. [It's not criticism, just fact.] Johann understands. There was never a need to explain anything.

... No. The way I bind myself to people...

[He's quiet for a moment. At last:] I do understand what it is to have my feelings for someone else be a part of who I am. But it's different for me, and I can see how you and Johann would have understood that about each other.

Even if you don't care to be understood as a general rule, it's -- it's important.

It has never been any measure of important before this infernal place.

Don't object that all of your hard work is having a meaningful effect, Sebastian, it's unsightly.

My deepest apologies, sir.

"I am tremendously grateful for this opportunity to reshape myself into unrecognisabilty."

Is that more pleasing to your ears?

Oh, yes. Much.

Truly... this is the sort of thing I mean when I say I can see you've changed, Sebastian.

But I still think it's about time that you should take your normal form back, and move forward with these lessons.

["This is the sort of thing..." What, mouthing back?

Sebastian can't even argue he hasn't changed. He knows he has. He hates it.]

If I may, I humbly disagree. [Because the Admiral WANTS THIS.] My reconciliation with Johann occurred before we decided on this action.

[So him agreeing to be friends, his valuing Johann has nothing to do with being human. Allegedly.]

Well, yes, I didn't mean to imply that any change in your emotions from this state-- [a little gesture at Sebastian, deliberately too-polite-to-say-it in a way he's attempting to make as irritating as he can] was responsible for reconciling.

But it does seem to have heightened your feelings about Trevor, for example.

May I ask, Sebastian, what additional things you expect to gain from letting this go on longer?

Surely we cannot assume me to have had even close to the full human experience in such a short time.

[Sullenly. STUBBORLY.]

You wouldn't have the full human experience in a whole lifetime. That wasn't ever the point of this, you know.

[Shut up.

They both know what Sebastian's real reason for not wanting to go back to his normal self is.

He stares down into his tea, and doesn't reply.]

I won't ask the Admiral to change you back if you won't agree to it. But I think... that it is time to move onto the next strategy.

When you're ready.

As you say, sir.

[Sebastian could say "I'd appreciate if, in the future, you don't threaten even sarcastically to go to the Admiral over my head", but that would require an amount of emotional honesty that Sebastian isn't capable of without it being forced out of him.]

[It's meant to be a reassurance, not a threat, but Hakkai isn't sure of what it is that's caused Sebastian to become suddenly so noncommittal.

Perhaps he's just tired of the topic. Hakkai inclines his head after a long moment, allowing it to pass uncommented.]

[He was referring to ~~84 years ago~~ earlier in this conversation, but no matter.]

Would you like more tea, sir? [he says, making no move to reach for the teapot. "Or are we done here?"]

It's very kind of you to offer. But no, thank you.

I'd like to speak with you again soon.

Of course.

I will be here. [Ha, ha.]

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