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[untiltheend]

This is Sebastian Michaelis. I am unavailable at present, but please leave a message. Should a response be needed I will reply when time permits me. Please do keep your message brief.

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[untiltheend]

...Yes, well. Once he had a moment to somewhat calm down, Sebastian did consider that Johann hadn't meant it like that. But even so, Johann, for all his thick-headedness, should know not to joke about that particular subject, so Sebastian feels quite justified in still being angry with him over that.

"Are you asking me what he did want to talk about, specifically?"

Or is this suggesting that Sebastian would have broken his finger regardless of what Johann had said?

[reformedsinner]

"Do you know what he wanted to talk about?"

Johann's description had not given Hakkai the impression that his conversation even got that far before Sebastian derailed it in anger. But Hakkai is a little curious about what Sebastian believes the topic had been.

[untiltheend]

"Well, yes."

Sebastian takes a sip of his tea, mostly to give himself a moment so as to not deliver the next sentence with too much venom.

"He informed me that since he has now graduated, he is above continuing our interactions as before. Mm... 'You want to see who's in charge? It's me now.'"

[reformedsinner]

"It was terrible timing for his graduation," Hakkai remarks, and picks up his own tea for a small sip. "Because I encouraged him to have that conversation with you before it ever happened. They're not related."

[untiltheend]

"Is that so?" Sebastian scoffs.

"Well, he certainly could have fooled me. In that case, I suppose I do not know what he wanted to talk about."

[reformedsinner]

"From what he said to me, he wanted to have a more... equal friendship. To feel as if you were treating him in a friendly manner. I don't know exactly what that means to him, but it doesn't quite sound as if you gave him the chance to tell you, Sebastian.

"Does it bother you that much that he graduated first?"

[untiltheend]

Sebastian takes a moment to picture himself grabbing the tea pot and throwing its scalding-hot content straight at Hakkai's face.

"Please rest assured I congratulated him, as is proper."

[reformedsinner]

"So, yes."

Hakkai's watching Sebastian's face, his own expression neutral; he's aware he's pushing on a sensitive spot.

[untiltheend]

"By all means go ahead. You had no problem informing me of my unacceptable behaviour earlier, no?"

He finishes his tea.

"If not, surely we can call this conversation finished?"

[reformedsinner]

"Sebastian," Hakkai says, very gently, and sets his teacup down with a soft click. "Do you want to graduate or not?"

Because they both know that storming out of uncomfortable conversations isn't the way to get there.

[untiltheend]

Sebastian's pupils turn to slits, his eyes turning a slightly redder shade. But he remains sitting, and, after a moment's silent fuming, pours himself another cup of tea. Fine.

[reformedsinner]

"All right."

He folds his hands on the tabletop, leaning forward, his own teacup forgotten for now.

"I believe that Johann has known you long enough, and that you value his connection to you enough, that you owe him the courtesy of listening to him and considering his opinion.

"He's aware that he made a mistake by leveraging his graduation against you. But, Sebastian, I think you wanted to hurt him because he graduated, not because of anything he said. Am I wrong?"

[untiltheend]

Sebastian did want to hurt him for that. However:

"I would not have hurt him, had he not made that comment about the kitchens."

......Mrr. Very reluctantly:

"...The intent of which I suppose it is... possible I misread in the moment."

[reformedsinner]

"That's why I said you wanted to hurt him because he graduated," Hakkai murmurs, and lets Sebastian see the flash of approval in his gaze at the admission. It's not something he thinks Sebastian would have been willing to admit a year ago.

"But I think you actually hurt him at the first excuse he gave you. Misreading his intent isn't a mistake you'd normally make."

[untiltheend]

Sebastian's eyes turn even redder at the flash of approval. He hates this.

"He has managed to refrain from killing anyone for a few months now. When we first met, he had no desire to graduate at all."

Is it so strange that Sebastian wanted to hurt him?

Sebastian knows it's not about not killing in his own case. He knows, but he wants so desperately to graduate, and he's better than Johann, better than Envy, better than Henry Creel, all of who graduated just by learning the barest minimum of self-control.

[reformedsinner]

"For each of us, it's our own battle," Hakkai says flatly. "Wanting matters, but it's not everything."

And, he suspects, Johann had needed to get over his own desire not to fight for his own life.

[untiltheend]

"Yes, yes." He knows.

"I wanted to hurt him. I am angry with him for graduating. That is unfair, and not being a good friend."

Is that what Hakkai wants him to say?

[reformedsinner]

"And how do you feel about it? Now, I mean. Not what you think I want to hear," he adds lightly.

What he wants is honesty; as a liar himself, he recognizes it in others.

[untiltheend]

Sebastian gives Hakkai a look that strongly suggests he wants to set him on fire.

"Angry, still. I want to hurt him still."

Disappointed in Johann, who wants a kinder friendship but still jumped on the opportunity to leverage his graduation against Sebastian. Disappointed that their friendship is now over.

[reformedsinner]

"Is that all you want?" His tone is neutral.

[untiltheend]

He wants to continue being friends with Johann. But also:

"I want to wrangle his graduation from him and take it for myself."

[reformedsinner]

"I like your motivation. But you can't take his graduation for yourself no matter how many of his fingers you break," Hakkai remarks, leaning back in his chair.

It's not as if Sebastian doesn't know, but... the pointlessness of it does deserve a little rubbing in.

After a moment, he adds, "If you're feeling sufficiently frustrated to need to hit someone, next time, let me know, Sebastian. You and I can meet out on deck."

[untiltheend]

He does, in fact, have to resist the temptation of punching Hakkai right then and there, clasping his hands in his lap. Brat.

"There will be no need for that, I am sure. Mr Kinderwellen is the only one here I have been injuring regularly despite the number of people who deserve it; refraining from hitting one more person is nothing."

He has the self-control not to hit a person even if he really wants to.

[reformedsinner]

"Oh, I'm sure. But the offer remains open," Hakkai murmurs lightly. "What kind of relationship do you want with Johann, Sebastian?"

[untiltheend]

"I said already that I am angry with him, did I not?"

And he is not in the mood to contemplate how to be a better friend, or whatever nonsense Johann was going on about. (And hasn't had any time to consider what he wants, for that matter: Johann has been ruminating on this for weeks; this was Sebastian's first indication that things weren't fine between them.)