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How dare Hakkai imply that wasn't a 100% faithful account of what happened.

Sebastian sips more of his tea as Hakkai speaks. Again, mostly to keep his anger in check, but also he... doesn't quite recognise this flavour? Three years working for a British earl has rendered Sebastian enough of a tea nerd that this actually takes the edge of the anger, if only a little. If only momentarily.

"That particular soul-searching conversation I have had, mm, three times by now? It does rather amaze me how little Wardens seem to communicate with each other."

"Well," Hakkai murmurs lightly, "the point of it is for you to discuss it, not for me to know about it, after all. Why don't you skip past all of the revelations you've had so far?

"Besides, I thought you just told me your previous wardens were useless."

"You are all quite useless, since every month I must start over from the beginning, explaining my supposed flaws over and over again, only to be met with wildly different ideas of what I must change about myself.

'Without having access to your file, I cannot know' you all say, over and over again.

When I honestly admit that I do not trust the Admiral's good intentions or that his desire for everyone to better themselves is genuine, I am told that such an attitude is overcomplicating things and that thinking like that is something a 'fussy toddler' would do."

He delivers all of this in his usual soft-spoken, calm tone. Punctuates by taking another sip of tea.

"Does that adequately explain why I think you all useless?"

"Yes. You're looking for the wrong answers," Hakkai replies just as pleasantly, picks up his own tea, and takes a delicate, savoring sip.

After a moment, he sets it down and continues, "You want a Warden who will explain to you the Admiral's exact expectations, so that you can solve the puzzle of graduation, make only the exact necessary changes in your own behavior, and get back to your life as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that if you have any kind of reasonable quantity of self-control -- that is, if your problem isn't that you do wrong despite your best intentions but that the things that you intend to do are sometimes not for the best -- it doesn't matter how long you spend on your best behavior here.

"If you showed up on this ship already able to, for example, not kill people, the Admiral doesn't care how long you can avoid killing people. That was never your problem. And I think it's safe to say that you have more than sufficient self-control to act in whatever way you see fit for as long as you see fit.

"Which means," he concludes, "I could tell you to paint yourself with purple stripes and hang upside down from the railing for a month and do you precisely as much good as I could do by telling you to behave in any other way. Your problem is either what you want or what you think in order to justify to yourself what you want."

The longer Hakkai speaks, the more tense Sebastian's shoulders become. He stares down into his tea, gripping the teacup uncomfortably hard with both hands.

Stop that.

Much like during his first talk with Jon Sims, and with Xie Lian the other day, he feels very much like getting up and walking out the door, away from this hateful conversation.

After a few moments of staring down at his tea, his mouth a thin white line:

"I told you earlier that I have had periods of stasis in my life, yes? I spent a long, long time of my life caring only about the next pleasure, the instant gratification requiring the least effort.

That is no longer how I live my life. And yet, according to the Admiral, this too is not good enough?"

"Maybe," Hakkai murmurs, watching Sebastian's expression, "that's what gives you the ability to change now -- as opposed to all of the earlier times in your life.

"How do you live your life now? What do you want beyond easy gratification?"

It says something about what seven months on the Barge has done to Sebastian that, for a moment, he considers answering honestly. On more than a surface level.

"I am a butler, sir. That is... a servant. Currently what I want is to fulfil my master's needs and desires."

...Look, he still considered it for a moment.

"I'll get you the purple paint, then," Hakkai says pleasantly, and finishes his tea.

Since apparently Sebastian has chosen the stripes and hanging from the rail solution.

Insufferable, smug, self-important little--

No matter how angry he is, Sebastian has the self-control not to crush the teacup in his hand. He does slam it down on the nearby table. Not a drop of tea is spilled.

This brat has made it clear enough he knows Sebastian isn't human, hasn't he? Fine. Sebastian eyes flash red, the pupils turning into cat-like slits. Gone is the soft-spoken tone; his voice is cold:

"I currently live my life fulfilling the whims of pathetic little human insects, because watching their struggles amuse me. What I want is to live in accordance with my aesthetics, because nothing matters in this world except them. I want the satisfaction of finally sating my hunger with something I myself have cultivated.

Does this answer better satisfy?"

He never makes the slightest threat of physical violence - he remains seated, and as soon as he's sat down the teacup his hands go back to being formally clasped.

Slamming the teacup down on the table is Hakkai's tell; he doesn't flinch a millimeter as Sebastian's eyes flash red and youkai-slitted, watching instead with an intent focus through the speech.

Thoughtfully, as Sebastian finishes on the hiss of satisfy, Hakkai reaches up to the three gold clips spaced around the top of his left ear, freeing each in turn, and drops them beside his teacup with a musical tinkle of metal.

"So," he says thoughtfully. "Human flesh, or something else?"

What is it that Sebastian is cultivating to sate his hunger? He rises from the table with a scrape of chair legs on floorboards, picking up his own teacup, and holds out a hand for Sebastian's.

"And shall I get you another cup? The flavor of this brew has a distinct character with each pot made from the leaves."

Now, he feels, they're getting somewhere.

Sebastian's eyes go even colder as Hakkai's clips drop, as much as he likewise shows no surprise. Oh, but of course this thing is another demon. He really shouldn't be surprised. This is only the second disgusting monster assigned to lord over Sebastian how much better than him they are as wardens.

He obediently hands Hakkai his cup. In the same cold tone as before: "What tea is it? I do not recognise the flavour."

No, no, he's not evading answering. He only pauses a second before continuing: "Human souls."

"Your young master?" Hakkai inquires. Something I myself have cultivated.

"The tea is pu-erh. It's an older leaf, fermented and cooked," he adds, as he moves to the kitchen to drain away the last, bitter liquid and pour fresh water over the leaves to steep out the second pot. "Which lends it a complex flavor.

"Why don't you tell me a little about your aesthetics, Sebastian?"

"My young master. Gorging on the poor-quality souls of the dregs of humanity... there is no appeal in that any longer."

Sebastian feels very much like killing something right now. Squeezing the life out of something, listening to its dying sounds. He wants to get up and make the damn tea himself, just for something to do with himself. For lack of anything better, he at least makes a mental note to research this pu-erh tea, learn how to brew it. Hakkai informing about the tea at least gives Sebastian a moment to push down the worst of his anger.

"My aesthetics are straightforward enough, I would think." He says it with the air of you should already know this (somehow).

"When one has a task, or a goal, one should dedicate themselves to it completely: to accomplish it in a beautiful and flawless way. I play the part of a butler, currently, thus I will be a butler to my very core, to the very end of my existence, if necessary."

"To tell the truth," Hakkai notes, pouring the second brewing into each of their cups in turn and approaching the table again, "I think that it is an improvement to focus on developing something of value, rather than just plucking meaningless lives."

He sets Sebastian's cup in front of him and settles back into his chair. For an instant, the careful line of his shoulders slumps, showing a hint of weakness and exhaustion, but he covers it by reaching for the golden clips and slipping them back onto his ear. Appearance perfectly human again, he takes a sip of the tea and makes a small approving noise.

"How do you choose your tasks?"

Sebastian notices the brief faltering - anger has never made him prone to overlook things. Some sickness it must be, to have whatever flavour of demon this brat is look so pathetic. Serves him right.

He still glares like he wants to bite Hakkai's face off, but the intensity of the red glow of his eyes has lessened some. He's calmer. Even so, he scoffs at Hakkai's assessment on Sebastian's changed priorities. He doesn't need the approval, brat.

"My tasks are chosen for me by my current master, naturally. The human that summons me."

"And you gain your greatest pleasure from committing yourself fully to that task for the duration of your service," Hakkai says, thoughtful, piecing together what Sebastian's said so far. "And once it's been completed to perfection, you...?"

Sebastian doesn't correct him, which is a good indicator that Hakkai is right.

"Why", he says, tapping a finger to his chin and smiles, showing off his fangs.

"After that, I consume my master. Ah, or do you mean 'what do I do after that'? I enter my next Contract, of course."

Is this being deliberately provoking? Yes.

"So I assume your current young master is one of the first that you've considered worth cultivating. Or the first? If you're losing your appreciation for the flavor of the dregs of humanity."

Hakkai's tone is mild and thoughtful, unconcerned with the soul-eating prospect.

But Hakkai, it's not fair if only one of them is upset.

"The flavour of a soul is contingent on what experiences the human has had. Grief, misery, despair... these to me are delectable in a soul. The more intense the misery, and the longer the soul has been mired in it, will surely render even more delicious results."

In other words... his current master isn't the first, but Sebastian is still relatively new at experimenting with the seasoning in his cooking.

"I see."

That does, in fact, raise this particular fixation from the level of fucked up hobby to torturing a child to make him tastier. Which is... a challenging concept to justify, Hakkai has to admit to himself.

There are certain similarities to Hazel's blind spots, as much as the priest would have hated to hear that comparison. Sebastian, at least, has more excuse for it by reason of his nature.

"When you say the longer, are you imagining the scale of weeks? Months? Years or more?"

"I have been in the young master's employ for three years now. Humans, as you might know, live for about a hundred years at the very most."

To think that this brat is himself a monster, and even then Sebastian has to explain such basic details as the consumption of souls... He picks up his teacup, clicks his fingers slowly against the porcelain. Normally when he's angry, he at least has something to do instead of sitting down uselessly.

"My current Contract is the longest-lasting one I have had to date."

Edited 2023-07-17 10:49 (UTC)

"Normally, then, months," Hakkai interprets, and sips his tea. "Currently, years, but not a large number of them.

"Are you anticipating pushing your hobby to the extent of human lifespans? Decades or more?"

"My hobby."

Sebastian's smile widens so much it looks almost physically painful to maintain. There is a limit to how much insolence he'll put up with, and reducing what he does to that comes painfully close to it.

"Your creative vocation?" Hakkai offers as an alternative.

(He's quite aware he's being provoking.)

Sebastian leans back slightly in his chair, forgetting entirely to try the tea, instead just thrumming at the cup.

"--So far I have seen precious little of your promised outside perspective insights, sir warden."

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