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[untiltheend]

This is Sebastian Michaelis. I am unavailable at present, but please leave a message. Should a response be needed I will reply when time permits me. Please do keep your message brief.

Comments

[reformedsinner]

"In other words, you didn't listen to him and you have no intention of listening to me either, Sebastian?"

[untiltheend]

"Dear me. I had thought agreeing to no more senseless violence was what you wanted, sir."

Guess Sebastian is just that incapable of bettering himself!

[reformedsinner]

"No," Hakkai points out mildly, "that's what you want me to say to you so that you can continue to feel as if you're the primary victim in this situation. Do you know what Johann was going to say to you, or did you take the first opportunity to shut him down with violence? -- Because I do have some lessons that might be applicable."

He taught small children professionally. Using your words instead of your fists is an important skill when you're five.

Sometimes also when you're twenty, or... however old Sebastian in fact is, were it to be counted in mortal years.

[untiltheend]

Victim, really. How dare.

"What he was going to say, huh? Admittedly I cannot speak to that, but what he did say was... Mm, what was it exactly?

'If you say anything about that godsdamned deal, I will swap places in the kitchen with the most ineffective person I can find. This place is full of idiots I will torment you with'."

Had this been another time and another topic, Sebastian would fully be able to recognise this as the hyperbolic, teasing way Johann talks. Today... well.

[reformedsinner]

"Ah," Hakkai says thoughtfully. "So... he was trying to bring up the question of whether you had a real friendship, and asking you not to use your 'deal' as justification for the fact that you continued to interact long past the point where the deal was relevant.

"You didn't break my fingers when I asked you the same thing. Why were you angry with him?"

[untiltheend]

...Why is Mr Cho so stupid? Isn't it obvious why Sebastian was angry?

"--You are right; surely it was completely irrational of me to respond differently to the two of you."

[reformedsinner]

"Why were you angry with him?" Hakkai repeats, a near-perfect mirror of the first repetition of the question.

Yes, he does know. But he thinks it will do Sebastian some good to be forced to say it out loud.

[untiltheend]

He hates you, Hakkai.

"I cannot recall you threatening to upheave the order of the kitchens at the time. Mr Kinderwellen graduated, and it is the first thing he threatens."

And Johann went an graduated while Sebastian is still stuck as an inmate. But right now Sebastian feels like he might commit murder if forced to say that out loud.

[reformedsinner]

"So," Hakkai murmurs. "Mr Kinderwellen graduated... and then tried to talk to you about something, anything at all?"

Because, really, that comment sounds much more like Johann's sense of humor than it does like a threat of any kind. Sebastian should know that as well as Hakkai does - better, since he knows Johann better - but.

Clearly he'd been angry.

[untiltheend]

...Yes, well. Once he had a moment to somewhat calm down, Sebastian did consider that Johann hadn't meant it like that. But even so, Johann, for all his thick-headedness, should know not to joke about that particular subject, so Sebastian feels quite justified in still being angry with him over that.

"Are you asking me what he did want to talk about, specifically?"

Or is this suggesting that Sebastian would have broken his finger regardless of what Johann had said?

[reformedsinner]

"Do you know what he wanted to talk about?"

Johann's description had not given Hakkai the impression that his conversation even got that far before Sebastian derailed it in anger. But Hakkai is a little curious about what Sebastian believes the topic had been.

[untiltheend]

"Well, yes."

Sebastian takes a sip of his tea, mostly to give himself a moment so as to not deliver the next sentence with too much venom.

"He informed me that since he has now graduated, he is above continuing our interactions as before. Mm... 'You want to see who's in charge? It's me now.'"

[reformedsinner]

"It was terrible timing for his graduation," Hakkai remarks, and picks up his own tea for a small sip. "Because I encouraged him to have that conversation with you before it ever happened. They're not related."

[untiltheend]

"Is that so?" Sebastian scoffs.

"Well, he certainly could have fooled me. In that case, I suppose I do not know what he wanted to talk about."

[reformedsinner]

"From what he said to me, he wanted to have a more... equal friendship. To feel as if you were treating him in a friendly manner. I don't know exactly what that means to him, but it doesn't quite sound as if you gave him the chance to tell you, Sebastian.

"Does it bother you that much that he graduated first?"

[untiltheend]

Sebastian takes a moment to picture himself grabbing the tea pot and throwing its scalding-hot content straight at Hakkai's face.

"Please rest assured I congratulated him, as is proper."

[reformedsinner]

"So, yes."

Hakkai's watching Sebastian's face, his own expression neutral; he's aware he's pushing on a sensitive spot.

[untiltheend]

"By all means go ahead. You had no problem informing me of my unacceptable behaviour earlier, no?"

He finishes his tea.

"If not, surely we can call this conversation finished?"

[reformedsinner]

"Sebastian," Hakkai says, very gently, and sets his teacup down with a soft click. "Do you want to graduate or not?"

Because they both know that storming out of uncomfortable conversations isn't the way to get there.

[untiltheend]

Sebastian's pupils turn to slits, his eyes turning a slightly redder shade. But he remains sitting, and, after a moment's silent fuming, pours himself another cup of tea. Fine.

[reformedsinner]

"All right."

He folds his hands on the tabletop, leaning forward, his own teacup forgotten for now.

"I believe that Johann has known you long enough, and that you value his connection to you enough, that you owe him the courtesy of listening to him and considering his opinion.

"He's aware that he made a mistake by leveraging his graduation against you. But, Sebastian, I think you wanted to hurt him because he graduated, not because of anything he said. Am I wrong?"

[untiltheend]

Sebastian did want to hurt him for that. However:

"I would not have hurt him, had he not made that comment about the kitchens."

......Mrr. Very reluctantly:

"...The intent of which I suppose it is... possible I misread in the moment."

[reformedsinner]

"That's why I said you wanted to hurt him because he graduated," Hakkai murmurs, and lets Sebastian see the flash of approval in his gaze at the admission. It's not something he thinks Sebastian would have been willing to admit a year ago.

"But I think you actually hurt him at the first excuse he gave you. Misreading his intent isn't a mistake you'd normally make."

[untiltheend]

Sebastian's eyes turn even redder at the flash of approval. He hates this.

"He has managed to refrain from killing anyone for a few months now. When we first met, he had no desire to graduate at all."

Is it so strange that Sebastian wanted to hurt him?

Sebastian knows it's not about not killing in his own case. He knows, but he wants so desperately to graduate, and he's better than Johann, better than Envy, better than Henry Creel, all of who graduated just by learning the barest minimum of self-control.

[reformedsinner]

"For each of us, it's our own battle," Hakkai says flatly. "Wanting matters, but it's not everything."

And, he suspects, Johann had needed to get over his own desire not to fight for his own life.