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[This is Sebastian's first therapy session ever and he has reached the following conclusion: therapy? Completely overrated. 0/10 would not recommend.]

Would you like a run-down of what happened, or simply a justification as to why? In the interest of not wasting anyone's time, of course.

[ Is this therapy? Jon would be baffled at the idea.

Right now... he's amused.]

Actually working on things with you is not wasting time. I'll listen to whatever you'd like to tell me, for as long as you'd like to tell me, that's actually pertinent to what we're working on.

The obfuscation, side-stepping, and avoidance, however, I would be happy to leave at the door. Which is what I've said from the start, Mr. Michaelis.

[ Very very wry. ]

Not terribly used to people actually paying attention to you, are you?

[He's from the late 19th century. Therapy is barely a thing yet. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Cut him some slack.]

[--!!! Are you implying that HE'S EASILY OVERLOOKED? Still smiling, still pleasant, but with a slight hint of OFFENCE creeping into his tone:]

If you will pardon the seeming arrogance of this statement: I am perfectly used to people paying attention to me when warranted. [Like when he does impressive, "wow, I can't believe a normal human could do that!" feats? When he single-handedly takes care of everything needed to make any situation ever run smoothly?] I should hope I always respond gracefully. It would not do for a butler to attempt to bask.

If you're arrogant, just be arrogant. I might not excuse it but I won't hold it against you. You don't have to pretend otherwise. [ A faint snort. ]

And 'when warranted' is when you don't want to sneak out of answering questions or be earnest about things I expect. I realize you might be a butler at home but... you aren't my butler, so it's really very unnecessary.

Much like what you still haven't answered about: the unnecessary things. If you would?

[These days, Sebastian doesn't often miss being allowed to lie. He's found ways to work around it. Right now? He really, really misses being able to lie.

Hrrmm. He hates this.]

Well. When it comes to unnecessary cruelties, I have committed them because in the moment, it was amusing.

And what about it amused you?

[ No disgust or anger. Just curiosity. ]

Being able to retaliate against a person who has annoyed you is satisfying, is it not?

[Like, this surely is a universal experience? Everyone enjoys getting even?]

...hmmm, largely, yes. I can't say you're wrong there.

How had they wronged you?

...Would you have me list every single incident, for every single person?

[They'll... they'll be here all day.

Did you think this was a one-time thing, Jon? Did you?]

[ Jon folds his hands together. ]

Yes, please. If you need paper, or a pen, I have plenty.

[ He is/was/will be again the Archivist. Of course he wants that. ]

[With a clear note of sarcasm (that is in no way an attempt to stall, what are you talking about):]

Will having it written down better sate your appetite, sir? If so, I do not mind writing.

At the moment, I don't have an appetite for that sort of thing, but it would provide me easy-to-reference data to use to help figure out what exactly the parameters of your graduation might look like.

[ He will pull out an empty journal from his desk, and offer a pen. ]

Not to mention that, at your discretion, it could be passed along to your next warden if we aren't permanently paired so that you don't have to write it down twice.

[Uh huh. That sounds like an excuse for getting all the juicy, juicy horror details to feast on.

Sebastian accepts the journal and pen, though, and sets to writing at an efficient speed.]

[ ...look, he was a good Archivist because he was nosy, not the other way around. But he doesn't currently get anything from it, no.

He'll take the opportunity to stand up, walk around his desk and go feed Sandy, who is a sandworm who lives in the sand bin he'd mentioned. He has to tap the side of the glass a couple of times to get her attention, and then he's leaving a little treat on the top of the sand and tapping again so she can eat it. ]

[.........But why would you keep a pet as hideous as that? Sebastian watches the display for a few long, judgemental moments, before returning to his writing.]

...I cannot help but imagine that a being that feeds on horror and terror must be able to gorge at quite regular intervals.

[Jon can't accuse him of stalling if he's writing while making conversation!]

Around here?

[ That's a huff as he turns around, yes, leaving his back to Sandy. She was left to him by another inhabitant of the ship but they've settled well to one another. ]

Oh, invariably. And given the purpose of the ship, I could even be somewhat helpful with my 'feeding' at times, since it essentially let them re-experience the whole thing with someone else there validating it for them, like re-breaking a bone that set wrong.

Is that how it works for you? You're required to feed to live at any decent level of quality?

How magnanimous, sir. [But as for himself...] Well. Were I to eat nothing at all, eventually I would starve to death.

[Quite a real possibility here, he supposes. What an unpleasant thought.]

[ He makes a face at the accusation of magnanimousness. Please. It was a silver lining on a shit cloud. He knows that. ]

So you rely on feeding on... whatever it is that you feed on: people's souls, their joy, their memories, whatever awful thing you think is going to make me make a face at you- for your existence, probably your power. It's not just a fancy or a whim or a hobby or something. Good to know.

I was the same.

[Yes, well. Mr Sims is going to make a face over it, there's no question of it.]

Oh? I took your earlier comment to mean you needed to feed to "live at any decent level of quality"? ...Starving is not pleasant, of course, but even so there is something of a difference between surviving and existing comfortably.

I required it to survive. As the saying went among avatars: feed your patron or it will feed on you.

I found alternative routes for sustenance but all of them boiled down to horror and terror of others and while I have the advantage here of a bit of a smorgasbord popping up every few weeks, it isn't exactly reliable nor properly feasible anywhere else.

Technically, I've evidence that an Archivist survived the burning of the library at Alexandria and is still crawling around the sewers as a horrifying husk but I wouldn't call that 'living', no. Nor fault anyone for not wanting to exist as such.

[ A pause. ]

Taking a break or finished?

Edited 2023-02-22 16:02 (UTC)

[Hmm. You know what, even an extremist like Sebastian can agree that an existence like that isn't the same as living... less because it'd be miserable and more because a creature like that would likely be completely useless in such a state.

He hands the journal over.] Finished, sir. [With his assignment, like a schoolboy. Hateful.

In beautiful cursive:

They said disgusting things.
They were interfering with my lesson plans.
They kicked me.
They insolently referred to me by a pet name (x 4).
They created more work for me (x 632).
They expressed themselves in a way that gave me plausible deniability to act cruelly (x 24).
They annoyed me (x 396).]

...My apologies; this is not the detailed rundown that you requested since that would take far too much time, but I hope it provides a general picture nonetheless.

Edited (spelling) 2023-02-22 17:47 (UTC)

Jon. Please. But thank you.

[ And then he's going to take a moment to peer through the answers, frowning thoughtfully at a few of the entries. ]

I'm very curious why 'interfering with my lesson plans' needed to be differentiated from 'created more work for me'. Are you particularly concerned with your teaching?

...Unfortunately, as I told Sir Trevor [the fact that he's using this term of address is quite important] already: I absolutely cannot entertain the thought of referring to a Warden so casually. I will stoop to "Mr Jonathan" at the very lowest.

I am not particularly concerned with such things, no. But I assumed you wished for specificity? To clarify: teaching, in the last few years of my life, has been an intermittent thing. Work, however, has been a constant.

Mr. Sims works. I'll happily answer to that.

[ Glancing down at the list again. ]

Fair enough. I wasn't sure if you thought it was particularly egregious. That said [ now he points lower ] ' plausible deniability to act cruelly '. So you acted cruelly purely because you could?

[Sebastian nods.]

As I said, Mr Sims, I am a cruelty-inclined creature.

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