untiltheend | IC Contact

"Yes, so you have mentioned already."

And it's not that Sebastian thinks people shouldn't like him - they should; he's amazing. He just still finds it strange that someone would like him even with the full understanding of what, and who, he is. ...He sighs.

"...I suppose it would be unfair to criticise you for doing your job." And said job includes caring about his inmate, Sebastian supposes. Bah. He lowers his own cup into the water: as the light shines through it, it shows Sebastian. And, just in front of him, his young master. Hakkai, of course, has never seen Ciel, but it's not hard to guess his identity with the bespoke Victorian clothes, the eyepatch over his right eye concealing their Contract seal.

Only... the young master in the vision isn't a child: he's a beautiful, but fully grown man, his expression stern, his eyes sad. Miserable still, but someone who has survived into adulthood, even with a demon by his side.

It's not hard to guess Ciel's identity. Hakkai is caught for a moment with his mouth open, considering the age of the young man in front of Sebastian. That's not a teenager; that's someone Hakkai's age, perhaps older. Looking distinctly un-devoured.

After a long moment, Hakkai says, mildly, "I suppose it's also my job, yes."

But he hasn't cared for every inmate he's been assigned to.

Sebastian too looks at what the light reveals, and... yes. If he could be reunited with the young master, if he could continue their amusing game... even if it lasted all of his master's natural lifespan, that would be enjoyable.

"'Also'?"

"I'm obligated to protect you as your warden, but I want to protect you because I like you and feel a personal connection to you. Even if I weren't your warden, I'd still feel the same way."

He half-smiles, glancing at Sebastian. "I think you'd feel the same way about your young master. Even if some outside force were to break your contract... would you want to stay by his side without it?"

...

"...I cannot conceive a scenario in which my Contract with the young master would be broken."

"It's only a hypothetical," Hakkai murmurs, mildly, and settles into the boat with the cup gently cradled between his hands.

"What I mean is -- you don't only care about getting your side of the deal."

Yes, but what Sebastian meant was that he hates the idea of the Contract being broken, even as a thought experiment. He'll let it slide, though, since Hakkai rephrased it in more acceptable wording.

...Hm.

"I will admit I have lately found playing this part for the young master... enjoyable."

At the very start of their Contract, he loathed having to serve such a demanding brat of a master, and would have pounced on the slightest excuse to end things prematurely.

"I did get that impression," Hakkai agrees, with a little flicker of a smile. "And I think that's a good thing -- that you've come to enjoy it."

Because it does mean Sebastian finding enjoyment in things beyond sating his hunger, and if he wants that to continue into Ciel's adulthood -- it's a change in perspective that, Hakkai thinks, is probably why he does have the potential for graduation.

There are worse things than wanting to serve a particular person, not for the reward but because they're important.

Edited (hit post too soon!) 2025-03-02 16:50 (UTC)

"Would that the Admiral shared your sentiment."

Because as far as Sebastian can see, he still hasn't graduated. He's quiet for a resentful moment, then:

"I do suppose it is why I agreed to act as Mademoiselle Florbelle's servant."

Because he... misses it? Probably? Sebastian doesn't know how much of their talk when Hakkai was high out of his mind on the Narrenschiff, but it's hardly a secret that he's been acting as Justine's butler of sorts.

"Do you care for her? Or is it just... the reminder of what it was like, that you missed?"

Hakkai's tone is soft, not pushing.

"I find Mademoiselle Florbelle a most interesting person. She is damaged but brilliant; quite fascinating to speak to.

But I do not care for her, no."

At least, he doesn't think so. As a human, he cared about Johann and Trevor, and that still holds, but as for others... he supposes he's still a demon, with a demon's limited - or non-existing - capacity for caring.

"Not at all? Or just... not as much?"

Sebastian is not always, in Hakkai's opinion, the most in touch with the amount that he cares. At least, not until someone threatens to take away his things.

To Sebastian's credit, he takes a few long moments to consider it properly.

"...I... think not at all."

But, to confirm Hakkai's opinion:

"But I will admit I am not accustomed to caring about anyone at all, in any capacity. I may be a poor judge, thus."

Edited 2025-03-22 13:27 (UTC)

"It can be hard to get used to," Hakkai agrees, with a thoughtful little hum. "I wonder...."

He trails off, glancing down at his cupful of light.

"Do you think it would help if you had some objective way to judge your connections to other people?"

"With the reservation that I am not the best judge in these matter, it has always been my understanding that emotional 'connections' cannot be objectively judged?"

He's not necessarily against it, he's just saying.

"What would you propose?"

"Mm. Not by an outside observer, I think. But I know the Admiral has been able to create devices that display certain things about you, to you. Emotions, for example.

"I don't see any reason why he couldn't make something similar that would... rate connections. To help you identify your own responses to them."

Like a child that doesn't recognise its own emotions... Sebastian sighs.

"If you believe it would benefit my graduation, I do not object."

"Do you think it would benefit your graduation?"

Hakkai thinks it might... but he also suspects that something like that might be meaningless in Sebastian's hands. Any information it gives him is tainted by the Admiral's intercession, after all.

"No. I think my ability to truly care ceased to exist when I returned to being a demon."

He puts his cup of water gingerly aside.

"But I am willing to try anything on the chance that it might work."

"I certainly think it's different when you're yourself. But I don't think it's gone."

Not if Sebastian wants his young master to live a long life. Not when he's still so possessive over the things -- and people -- he values.

"But I don't know if it's of value to have some outside force tell you what you care about, either. Maybe later, if it does become important...."

Sebastian tilts his head.

"Mean you that I have always had the capacity, or that the capacity of a human's caring remains to an extent?"

He's. quite sure demons are fully incapable of truly caring.

"I mean that I think demons have their own way of caring, and not being the same as a human's feelings doesn't mean that it's not real."

He shrugs, a tiny little movement of his shoulders, and lifts another cup to try to see if there's any more dawnlight to pull up. It skims through golden light that's gone, somehow, more insubstantial, and comes up with nothing but -- perhaps -- a new bright glimmer to its gilded surface.

"Well," he adds, tone going practical. "I suppose it's time to head back. You have the cups safe? I can row..."

Sebastian considers those words for a moment, chin in hands. It doesn't sound quite right to him, but...

Ah, well.

"Yes. I will make sure not a drop of water is spilled, sir."

"Of course."

Competence is never the point on which he's worried about Sebastian. Although--

"I think caring looks like possessiveness to you. Among other things."

That had been an unconvinced face, he thinks.

Heh.

"Such an unflattering way of describing it, sir."

Sebastian sees nothing wrong with possessiveness, but humans tend to view it rather, ah, negatively.

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