untiltheend | IC Contact

[His tone is carefully controlled, but the voice itself is thinner than usual, slightly shaky.]

I apologize for the delay, but I'm not able to meet with you today.

Are you free tomorrow afternoon?

[Normally, Sebastian is quick to reach out to his temporary warden of the month - usually he does so within minutes of the pairings being announced.

This month, he sullenly waits for whatever new useless person he's assigned to to initiate the conversation, as they're bloody well supposed to.

And waits.

And waits.

.....................

Damn this useless system and this useless ship and the useless infernal wardens. Every single one of them is the same. And to think Sebastian at least thought Mr Cho of all people might display a modicum of professionalism and competence--]

[When the message finally comes, Sebastian contemplates waiting the same amount of hours to reply back. Contemplates not answering at all.

It's long enough that, angry though he is, he picks up on the change in Hakkai's voice.

Hm. Sick? Injured?

In the end, his own reply comes in only a few minutes:]

Tomorrow afternoon is fine. But truly, having now made the obligatory call of 'is there anything you need?', is that not enough effort on your part?

[They don't even have to meet up, imagine that!]

Of course not.

I am doubly obligated. I recommended Xie Lian and he has been-- [a pause: he's trying to be very subtle about the fact that it's to catch his breath and not for decorum's sake] permanently assigned.

If my poor efforts could be some kind of substitute....

[Were this video, Sebastian would likely be able to tell the reason for the pause. But with only audio, he doesn't pick up on it (not that he's inclined to be concerned about Hakkai's health in the first place).

On Sebastian's end, you can hear the smile in his voice:]

Oh, goodness no. Of course they could be no such thing. [Yes, good. Feel bad for making that useless recommendation.]

Tomorrow, then. Where, if I may?

My cabin, 3-04, after lunch shift duties in the dining hall are completed.

[A brief, wry pause.]

I'll make tea.

[Oh, thank goodness they at least don't have to go through the "it should be the inmate who decides where to meet up; this is all for ~*~your benefit~*~" song and dance. At least Mr Cho is good for something.]

Very good. And by all means, if that makes your poor efforts feel slightly less so. [Sebastian will even pretend to like the tea! He has, of course, no idea about Hakkai's recent tea trauma.]

Until later, then. [Click! Hakkai doesn't deserve a nicer goodbye than that.]

---

Hakkai and Sebastian have probably worked the same lunch shift (it's not Sebastian's official kitchen shift, but sometimes you are a workaholic who needs to bury your feelings in work), during which Sebastian has not said a single word to Hakkai outside of what the work necessitates.

After the shift ends and they part ways, Sebastian makes a brief stop at his cabin before promptly knocking on Hakkai's door.

Hakkai has, in fact, skipped the lunch shift today. Between the antidote and Xie Lian's hard work, he's well enough to get around, but he's not well enough to be any more than a hindrance in a busy kitchen. He doesn't have so much pride as to insist on being in other people's way.

"Come in," he calls from inside. He's standing in his own small kitchen, the solar-powered kettle burbling to itself on the counter as it brings the temperature up to the correct degree for the pu-erh he's borrowed from Jedao's for-company-only shelves. His own teapot is beside it, dry leaves already measured in, and two of his nicer cups (purchased secondhand, with an unlucky four intact cups remaining in the set; he'd bargained the seller down to a quite affordable price and he thinks it's very funny.)

His color is bad, with a grayish undertone to his skin and an unhealthy reddish tint at his lips and the edges of his eyes, but he's moving with grimly determined precise normality. The room is spare, empty of personal items besides the teapot and cups, with two chairs set across from each other at the small round dining table.

"Thank you," Sebastian, in his butler uniform as always, says as he enters. He casts a cursory glance around the room with no particular interest, although his eyes rest for a few moments on that solar-powered kettle. That is curious.

Upon seeing Hakkai, his eyebrows do go up slightly, even though his smile remains the same. Sick, then.

"You look well, sir."

"I'm not forgiven for my lateness, then, Mr. Michaelis?" The teapot, detecting the proper water temperature, beeps. Hakkai pours a first rinse of hot water through the leaves, swirls the teapot to wake them, and pours the water away into the sink before refilling the pot.

"Please have a seat," he adds, and pours the first two cups: pu-erh shouldn't be left sitting in hot water too long, or the resultant brew will lose all of its delicate flavors. "I hope you don't take milk or sugar?"

Even if Sebastian does, Hakkai unfortunately keeps neither of them in the kitchen. He has opinions about tea himself.

"Surely it is not the place of someone like myself to judge the actions of a Warden", says Sebastian as he sits, hands primly clasped in his lap.

That's a 'no', in case that wasn't clear. Maybe don't get sick on Sebastian's time.

"Although your lateness is far from the most egregious example. My second temporary Warden was five full days late in contacting me."

Granted, he'd been in a coma, but again: how is that an excuse? At the question about tea, Sebastian shakes his head.

"Straight is fine, thank you." Sebastian - on the rare occasions when he does drink tea, tends to take it however his company at the time does anyway, like a person with a personality of their own does.

"Please, let's not pretend that your place keeps you from judging anyone," Hakkai says, setting one cup in front of Sebastian and settling into the other chair with his own. "Now. I'm already aware you're frustrated with not getting anywhere with your Wardens. Shall we see how much I can help you with graduation, this month? Or do you prefer that I only offer trinkets from the Admiral?"

Carefully, he takes a sip of his tea, and closes his eyes to appreciate the flavor

How about Mr Cho shuts his face. Openly acknowledging what Sebastian's 'it's not my place as a lowly Inmate' thing really is isn't allowed (according to a rule Sebastian himself has made up).

Sebastian follows suit, taking a sip of his own tea with closed eyes. It's not so much appreciating the flavour as it is channelling the urge to punch Hakkai in the face into anything else.

"What strategies have you, as a Warden? My last temporary Warden, upon being asked this question, openly admitted to having none and to being a poor Warden. He then quit the conversation I heard nothing more from him for rest of the month."

This is a very uncharitable recounting of how that went down, but the point is: prove it. Prove you'll be anything but utterly useless.

Edited 2023-07-16 17:28 (UTC)

"I'll have to ask your temporary warden next month what you say about me," Hakkai murmurs into his tea to buy time as he considers. "Without a file, I think the most important place to start is for me to encourage you to be as honest with me as possible about what makes you an inmate here. The warden's position, I believe, is to provide an outside perspective, recognize your bad habits and force you to recognize them as well."

He tilts his head. "I've been told that I have a terrible personality, but I'm not bad at understanding other people."

How dare Hakkai imply that wasn't a 100% faithful account of what happened.

Sebastian sips more of his tea as Hakkai speaks. Again, mostly to keep his anger in check, but also he... doesn't quite recognise this flavour? Three years working for a British earl has rendered Sebastian enough of a tea nerd that this actually takes the edge of the anger, if only a little. If only momentarily.

"That particular soul-searching conversation I have had, mm, three times by now? It does rather amaze me how little Wardens seem to communicate with each other."

"Well," Hakkai murmurs lightly, "the point of it is for you to discuss it, not for me to know about it, after all. Why don't you skip past all of the revelations you've had so far?

"Besides, I thought you just told me your previous wardens were useless."

"You are all quite useless, since every month I must start over from the beginning, explaining my supposed flaws over and over again, only to be met with wildly different ideas of what I must change about myself.

'Without having access to your file, I cannot know' you all say, over and over again.

When I honestly admit that I do not trust the Admiral's good intentions or that his desire for everyone to better themselves is genuine, I am told that such an attitude is overcomplicating things and that thinking like that is something a 'fussy toddler' would do."

He delivers all of this in his usual soft-spoken, calm tone. Punctuates by taking another sip of tea.

"Does that adequately explain why I think you all useless?"

"Yes. You're looking for the wrong answers," Hakkai replies just as pleasantly, picks up his own tea, and takes a delicate, savoring sip.

After a moment, he sets it down and continues, "You want a Warden who will explain to you the Admiral's exact expectations, so that you can solve the puzzle of graduation, make only the exact necessary changes in your own behavior, and get back to your life as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that if you have any kind of reasonable quantity of self-control -- that is, if your problem isn't that you do wrong despite your best intentions but that the things that you intend to do are sometimes not for the best -- it doesn't matter how long you spend on your best behavior here.

"If you showed up on this ship already able to, for example, not kill people, the Admiral doesn't care how long you can avoid killing people. That was never your problem. And I think it's safe to say that you have more than sufficient self-control to act in whatever way you see fit for as long as you see fit.

"Which means," he concludes, "I could tell you to paint yourself with purple stripes and hang upside down from the railing for a month and do you precisely as much good as I could do by telling you to behave in any other way. Your problem is either what you want or what you think in order to justify to yourself what you want."

The longer Hakkai speaks, the more tense Sebastian's shoulders become. He stares down into his tea, gripping the teacup uncomfortably hard with both hands.

Stop that.

Much like during his first talk with Jon Sims, and with Xie Lian the other day, he feels very much like getting up and walking out the door, away from this hateful conversation.

After a few moments of staring down at his tea, his mouth a thin white line:

"I told you earlier that I have had periods of stasis in my life, yes? I spent a long, long time of my life caring only about the next pleasure, the instant gratification requiring the least effort.

That is no longer how I live my life. And yet, according to the Admiral, this too is not good enough?"

"Maybe," Hakkai murmurs, watching Sebastian's expression, "that's what gives you the ability to change now -- as opposed to all of the earlier times in your life.

"How do you live your life now? What do you want beyond easy gratification?"

It says something about what seven months on the Barge has done to Sebastian that, for a moment, he considers answering honestly. On more than a surface level.

"I am a butler, sir. That is... a servant. Currently what I want is to fulfil my master's needs and desires."

...Look, he still considered it for a moment.

"I'll get you the purple paint, then," Hakkai says pleasantly, and finishes his tea.

Since apparently Sebastian has chosen the stripes and hanging from the rail solution.

Insufferable, smug, self-important little--

No matter how angry he is, Sebastian has the self-control not to crush the teacup in his hand. He does slam it down on the nearby table. Not a drop of tea is spilled.

This brat has made it clear enough he knows Sebastian isn't human, hasn't he? Fine. Sebastian eyes flash red, the pupils turning into cat-like slits. Gone is the soft-spoken tone; his voice is cold:

"I currently live my life fulfilling the whims of pathetic little human insects, because watching their struggles amuse me. What I want is to live in accordance with my aesthetics, because nothing matters in this world except them. I want the satisfaction of finally sating my hunger with something I myself have cultivated.

Does this answer better satisfy?"

He never makes the slightest threat of physical violence - he remains seated, and as soon as he's sat down the teacup his hands go back to being formally clasped.

Slamming the teacup down on the table is Hakkai's tell; he doesn't flinch a millimeter as Sebastian's eyes flash red and youkai-slitted, watching instead with an intent focus through the speech.

Thoughtfully, as Sebastian finishes on the hiss of satisfy, Hakkai reaches up to the three gold clips spaced around the top of his left ear, freeing each in turn, and drops them beside his teacup with a musical tinkle of metal.

"So," he says thoughtfully. "Human flesh, or something else?"

What is it that Sebastian is cultivating to sate his hunger? He rises from the table with a scrape of chair legs on floorboards, picking up his own teacup, and holds out a hand for Sebastian's.

"And shall I get you another cup? The flavor of this brew has a distinct character with each pot made from the leaves."

Now, he feels, they're getting somewhere.

Sebastian's eyes go even colder as Hakkai's clips drop, as much as he likewise shows no surprise. Oh, but of course this thing is another demon. He really shouldn't be surprised. This is only the second disgusting monster assigned to lord over Sebastian how much better than him they are as wardens.

He obediently hands Hakkai his cup. In the same cold tone as before: "What tea is it? I do not recognise the flavour."

No, no, he's not evading answering. He only pauses a second before continuing: "Human souls."

several hours after the pairing announcement

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