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I think that there is a certain amount of observation occurring on both sides of the bars.

From what I've gathered... your summoning does seem to be limiting in many ways.

[And Sebastian's instant anger at the comparison makes him wonder if it's a comparison that Sebastian has made himself.]

[Of course he's never made such a comparison. That would be ridiculous and without so much as the slightest hint of relevance.]

Come now. I put the collar on myself and willingly hand my master my leash, only to forcefully take it back once the game is over.

[There's some perverse ironic pleasure in continuing the dog metaphor his current little master started.]

Edited 2023-09-16 14:24 (UTC)

Even if you aren't tame, and put it on yourself, a collar is a collar, a leash is a leash.

Do you ever resent it?

[Sebastian's eyes briefly flit over to the steeping tea. Not because he enjoys tea, but... he's sat through so many aggravating talk therapy sessions now, with several different wardens, that it just feels odd by now not to hold onto a teacup when frustrated at a warden.

What a ridiculous thing to be conditioned about.]

Naturally I have resented previous masters of mine, and orders I have been given. At times I have resented the monotony of humanity, and the ennui that comes with observing it. But I have never resented the realities of my existence.

Edited (spelling) 2023-09-17 12:59 (UTC)

[Hakkai follows his gaze, and rises from his seat with a polite sketch of a bow, turning to pour.]

Ennui, in my experience, grows worse with distance, and easier with -- participation.

From what you've told me, you aren't necessarily limited to only do what your master asks -- isn't that correct? You can act outside those boundaries if you so choose?

Thank you, [Sebastian says, accepting the ~~fidget spinner~~ cup.]

Yes, yes. [He knows already what Hakkai would have him work towards.]

Living with the young master is far from boring, however. [Sometimes frustrating, sure... but honestly, he's plenty invested in this little master's business, and the Admiral should recognise that and just let him go home already.]

That's good. But you also won't be living with him forever, and it doesn't make sense to work towards a change that will only last for one master's life.

Making efforts to connect with other people beyond that seems -- useful. And efforts to understand them on a deeper level. You do have that friend at home, yes? Mr. Agni?

Oh, spoke you with him?

[Sebastian keeps up with the network, but not down to every single public conversation... Plus, he had his hands full during the 4th Wall event trying to avoid having Agni burst into tears over Sebastian's current situation.]

Yes, I did. [Smiling cheerfully.] He seems to be a very devoted person. Unusually generous of spirit....

That is an accurate description, yes. He is of course deeply devoted to his master, but also to doing as much good in the world as possible.

[Yes yes, he sees where this is going.]

Also, he likes you very much.

Yes, well. [Plenty of people do. All the other servants in the mansion do. He takes a sip of his tea.]

I like Mr Agni as well. He is an excellent person.

He seemed to be so. [And, more to the point:]

And I suspect your returning the affection is considerably rarer.

"Affection" seems quite a strong word for it... ["Appreciation" sounds more appropriate.]

It is not as if I have never appreciated a human before, but indeed, the vast majority is completely unremarkable to me.

Well, I feel the same way. I suspect every human does too.

Most of us have a few important people, and less concern for others, no matter how fair and kind we try to be.

Of that, I am very aware. Humans are fully capable of committing monstrous acts against those unimportant to them. Why, even to those important to them as well, oftentimes.

In the end, I would not say Mr Agni is important to me.

But you do appreciate him.

Would you say that any other being you've met is important to you?

[Sebastian nods. He does appreciate Agni.]

All cats are wonderful creatures, of course. [But they come and go (and also are more comic relief than anything else).]

The young master is the current focal point of my life, but of course, that is not what you mean. [So probably no.]

[So, probably no. Hakkai nods agreement as Sebastian says that's not what Hakkai had meant; the connection of a contract is a different kind of thing, even if it seems he appreciates -- if not cares for -- this master more than he had any others he's mentioned.]

Building those sorts of connections does matter, too.

Although finding people you appreciate is a good start.

Doubtless you realise that should it ever be necessary, I would kill every person I appreciate, Mr Agni included.

[Hakkai contemplates the steam rising from his cup for a long, thoughtful moment.]

I can imagine situations in which I would kill everyone on this ship with my own hands to save the one man on it who I love. And yet, that doesn't seem to have stopped me from graduation.

Sometimes, what you've decided to do or not do matters more than what you're capable of doing in the wrong situation.

[That is a very personal thing to admit. Sebastian scoffs a laugh, half-amused, half-surprised.]

My, even Mr Xie Lian would not be spared? Gratitude truly only goes so far, in the end.

I do know what I'm capable of -- which, I should be clear, is only to say emotionally capable of.

[He tosses Sebastian a dry look.]

Considering that Xie Lian could tie me into five different knots with one hand, if he truly felt it necessary.

But what I could do and what is a reasonable future possibility... those are two different things.

[Hrm. It's true Sebastian's had the sneaking suspicion that Xie Lian is far more powerful than himself, even discounting the Admiral's restrictions. Stupid gods and their stupid powers.

He sighs, taking another sip of his tea. After a moment's contemplation:]

I suppose it is good to know the Admiral's qualifications are low enough to allow someone with such violent, antisocial tendencies to graduate.

[Despite the long-suffering tone, Sebastian does appreciate this reassurance. He's spent many months half-convinced the Admiral will never let him graduate.]

I feel it's quite encouraging to others.

[Cheerfully. He takes a sip of his tea as well, lingering thoughtfully over the flavor.]

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