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It is hardly as if I dislike helping others as it is, even without my master ordering me to do so.

[It's not a protest, exactly; he does understand he's supposed to actively wish to be helpful instead of 'eh, I have nothing better to do right now'.]

I don't think you dislike it. You're very helpful here, for instance, and no one's forcing that.

But I also think that it might be helpful for you to develop a habit of getting around your restrictions in order to do what you believe to be right, and not merely what you can get away with.

May I ask... do you have an innate sense of right and wrong?

Thank you.

[Sebastian's smile briefly takes on something more genuine. Yes, tell him more about how helpful he is and how appreciated it is by everyone.]

Of course, it is part of a butler's duty to be of assistance when necessary. [So it is, in part, still a play-act.]

Objective morality... such a thing is something humans have invented to justify their own subjective values. Whether they admit it or not, everyone acts in their own interest, and for some, doing "right" gives them a feeling of moral superiority.

[That's a lot of words to communicate "no".]

[Not just "no," but also "and I don't believe humans have any sense of right and wrong, either." Hakkai makes a slight, thoughtful noise.]

I certainly wouldn't try to argue that morality is objective, but it's also not all self interest.

Most humans have an inner sense of what is right or wrong to do. Acting in ways we believe to be wrong causes guilt and regret; acting in ways we believe to be right relieves those feelings. And, ah, before you say we're just justifying what we want to do, often what's right is difficult and unpleasant for humans, too.

Is there no satisfaction and sense of accomplishment in taking not the easy route, but instead successfully following through with something difficult? [That still sounds pretty self-serving to Sebastian.]

Either way, I greatly doubt I am capable of feelings such as guilt and regret, so the point is rather moot, would you not say?

Yes, but doing what feels right is often not very rewarding. Nonetheless, it matters.

There is a reason why I asked the question. May I ask... what feelings do you have? What do you find rewarding and what is unpleasant?

Surely I have already mentioned what I find the most rewarding? [He tilts his head.] I would hope you felt not too unwell at the time to retain it. [Rich coming from the one who could barely stand during their last talk.] The most rewarding thing is to live in accordance to my aesthetics.

What is unpleasant, in contrast, is of course somehow failing to achieve them. [And feeling out of control or vulnerable, but that's... too vulnerable to say out loud. Still, though, he recognises that mentioning only Aesthetics won't get them very far; they've already discussed those.]

But as for feelings... I am capable of feeling amusement and interest. Anger and disgust, certainly, and boredom.

[So many emotions! More than two!]

Please do me the favor of assuming that if I ask you a slightly different question, I'm looking for a different piece of information. Unless your aesthetics are the only thing you find rewarding in your existence?

[He can work with that, if he has to, but Sebastian seems to have far more emotional responses to his situation than that would allow.]

What do you find amusing or interesting?

[How dare >:(

Speaking of emotional responses:]

It amuses me greatly when someone I am about to kill begs for their life, on their knees, terrified and barely intelligible, with tears pathetically streaming down their face, grovelling like the insect they are.

[Okay, okay, deliberate provocations aside... He leans back a little in the chair, easing up on the vicious smile.]

That aside... humans are interesting on the rare occasion when they act in surprising ways. How far they will go when truly desperate to attain something is likewise interesting. Their ever-evolving innovations are growing quite advanced for such a base species.

Is this answer more to your liking, sir?

Do you really? I've always found people begging for their lives somewhat distasteful if I'm going to kill them anyway.

[Very much in the tone with which someone would say, "Do you really think that's an appropriate thing to wear in public?"

Since Sebastian prefers aesthetic critiques.]

It sounds as though many of the things you enjoy come from observation, not necessarily interaction.

[Hrm. So talking about harming children gets some sort of reaction, but not killing in general. Noted for the future.]

I will admit I find it somewhat in poor taste when it is my master begging. They should, after all, know better.

And of course? I am not truly part of human society, in the end.

[Some of Hakkai's own past crimes bother him more than others. He regrets the children.

He offers Sebastian a tiny shrug.]

Not being part of human society doesn't prevent you from interacting with humans. Or taking your own actions, when you're in a position to.

No, it does not, [he agrees.]

But please understand I spend my time among humans as my current master's tool; I will do as ordered, and enjoy seeing the effects of the decisions my master makes.

[...Less so in the last year or so in his current master's employ, admittedly.]

Are you typically under orders at all times? Or are you free to act between executing orders?

[He's still trying to work out the precise distinctions that Sebastian sees between his own will and his aesthetic determination to act as his master requires.]

Or is it more that... your orders shape who you are, so you never exist among humans other than as a tool...?

I have had masters insist I not leave their sight until our Contract was fulfilled. [Those were the smart, if paranoid, ones.] Occasionally I have had a master stipulate I may not claim my reward until the end of their natural life-- in such instances, once I have granted their wish I have been free to roam as I please until I feel their life leaving them.

[In other words: he's usually free to act between orders.

Hmm. Sebastian taps his chin for a moment. How to explain...?]

Have you zoos in your world? Or circuses?

I've never seen either in person, but I know what they are.

Well, then. The point of both establishments is to enjoy watching the animals and performers, yes?

[Comparing humans to animals in a zoo is such a good look, Sebastian.]

Are you comparing yourself to the spectator or to the creature in a cage?

[How dare.]

You did remark that it sounds as if the things I enjoy come from observation, no?

[Obviously he was comparing himself to the spectator.

(Sorry: his current master named Sebastian after his dog. It's a sore spot.)]

I think that there is a certain amount of observation occurring on both sides of the bars.

From what I've gathered... your summoning does seem to be limiting in many ways.

[And Sebastian's instant anger at the comparison makes him wonder if it's a comparison that Sebastian has made himself.]

[Of course he's never made such a comparison. That would be ridiculous and without so much as the slightest hint of relevance.]

Come now. I put the collar on myself and willingly hand my master my leash, only to forcefully take it back once the game is over.

[There's some perverse ironic pleasure in continuing the dog metaphor his current little master started.]

Edited 2023-09-16 14:24 (UTC)

Even if you aren't tame, and put it on yourself, a collar is a collar, a leash is a leash.

Do you ever resent it?

[Sebastian's eyes briefly flit over to the steeping tea. Not because he enjoys tea, but... he's sat through so many aggravating talk therapy sessions now, with several different wardens, that it just feels odd by now not to hold onto a teacup when frustrated at a warden.

What a ridiculous thing to be conditioned about.]

Naturally I have resented previous masters of mine, and orders I have been given. At times I have resented the monotony of humanity, and the ennui that comes with observing it. But I have never resented the realities of my existence.

Edited (spelling) 2023-09-17 12:59 (UTC)

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